Are you setting up a goal or expressing a desire?

With this post I feel rather ambitious, but in my opinion it is a really important topic to understand who we are and what we want.
At the same time, for some, it may seem trivial and obvious, but to me, it is very close to my heart since it has resolved a lot of uncertainties.

I have previously talked about how our desires are formed, and how the path taken to achieve them is equally important.
Unfortunately, however, the real question that always puts anyone in crisis is not “What are your desires”, but “what are your goals?”.
Often and willingly, when asked this question, we feel almost intimidated because most of us really don’t think that building a goal is something realistic, but rather a hidden desire, the fulfillment of which depends mainly on the events, not from us.
And of course, answering such a question is not easy if we think that the goals are our desires, as it would make us feel vulnerable, especially if they do not come true.

How many of you can relate to that?

I myself, until recently, had no idea that there really were any differences between the two, and I never gave them too much importance until, looking inside, I realized that what I was doing with my life, and the value I gave to it, depended on my choices and my actions, as well as my thoughts. Therefore, I had to act without fear to really feel that I was living a life of value.

And so I started working on it, and I tried to figure out how to create goals, the main step to get something out of life.

This made me realize how far I was from reality.

First, how to distinguish a desire from a goal?

According to the NLP it is useful to follow this pattern:

S – Specific

M -Measurable

A – Attainable / Assignable

R – Realistic / Rewarding

T – Timebound/ Tangible

So just ask yourself some questions?

If your desire is to find work as an astronaut, then ask yourself:
Is any kind of mission as an astronaut okay? Are you okay with fixing the bathroom at the International Space Station like Howard from Big Bang Theory, or do you want to go and discover new planets? Do you want to be an astronaut in space, or just training is enough? How many hours of work would you like to have per week?

Then I would ask myself if this goal is really measurable, that is, to what extent do you think you can define yourself satisfied with what you have achieved? When will the achievement of your goal be evident to you?

Another fundamental question is whether that goal, for what you feel, for what you have lived in your life in the past, is a concrete and achievable goal. If you didn’t have financial problems, do you think you would be able to?
But even more, an essential part of this process is to understand if the goal is in fact achievable: do you think that with the economic problems you have you might not be able to do it? Could someone or something interfere with your goal? Do you have to find another job in the meantime? Do you have the time to do everything?

Finally, the essential question is that of time. It is here that everyone, absolutely everyone, fails, because it is when they understand how much all the previous questions are important when we relate them to time.

All the questions asked so far make you understand very well how a desire is really achievable to make it truly a goal, but of all the questions, for me that of time is the most specific, and it is the one that made me achieve most things.

At first, I was cheating.
I didn’t even notice that I was cheating. I kept pretending to have these bizarre and obvious goals, with a date so far away, that when that date arrived I didn’t even remember my desire anymore.
Since, “I want to learn a new language”, “learn to play the ukulele” and “become a dancer”, all these wishes are absolutely achievable. If you reflect in these words I can only tell you to do it and with joy, but learn well to distinguish desires from goals because otherwise they can only bring you a huge disappointment if you don’t reach them quickly.

I also thought I had learned the distinction between the two when I tried to start using this NLP method to become a web designer. I gave myself quite a long time to learn everything, I looked for a community that would help me reach the necessary milestones, and mental support, I bought courses, I invested time and I also made a lot of progress, but I forgot, or better, I deliberately left out some fundamental things. If my determination were unalterable with the passing of time and difficulties, because unfortunately the more a goal is far away, the more external elements and factors will come to get me in trouble, then undermining mental health and physics.

So I took a step back and looked at the things I’ve done in my life. All those goals I have achieved in my past life have one thing in common: I wanted them, they weren’t insurmountable, I did them consistently and without thinking, they were quantifiable, they had an expiration date, and they made me improve as a person.

This, I repeat, does not mean giving up desiring, on the contrary, you will often and gladly find that things will come to you before you even ask yourself all these questions, almost by chance, but it is important to know how to recognize the real objectives, and to be able to teach the little people you raise and educate.

In addition to this method, there are also many other techniques to understand well how to create a goal or even just recognize it. There are goals so ambitious that to reach them it is inevitable to have the work of an entire team working together for the same goal, and you often have to create micro-stages to keep motivation and mood high (such as to become Olympians).

Meanwhile, I want to say that the biggest and most beautiful goal I have for this year is regarding this blog in which we have a well-defined time, a very strong team with Antonella, and a great motivation.


Why we desire, and why we never get it done.

Aladdin's magic lamp, and the Genie that is coming out of it.

There is so much in a person’s life.

Why we desire what we desire, and why do we always feel the need to justify with ourselves what we desire?

I had the chance in life to get to know something about NLP and how to achieve our goals, how to set our goals, and how to determine when you reach a goal.

One thing NLP doesn’t explain, though, is why we desire what we desire, why we have certain attitudes rather than others, why, since childhood we are more keen on one behavior rather than another one.

There are probably tons of studies on the subject, but, one explanation that my intuition (and my intuition only) feels right is the one Abraham Hicks gives.

Desire comes from contrast, and contrast comes from the universe for our personal growth and spiritual expansion.

The fulfillment of that desire happens only when you are aligned with your inner self, and that you feel that spiritual expansion, all the other ways will not be satisfying.

This is really why most desires are so difficult to realize, and also why we always desire something that is so difficult to achieve.

Abraham talks a lot about desires, but when people ask questions they are mostly concerned about the outcome, and not so much on how to enjoy the trip.

All the desires in the world seem pretty common.

When we ask to express a desire, and it’s the outcome that we believe will make us happy, when actually, the fulfillment of a desire can be dangerous if you don’t align body and soul to it.

When thinking about “I want to become a superstar” I Imagine Britney Spears that had the talent, the capacity, the momentum to achieve that goal, supporters, money and fame, but did not have real family support and laws to protect her, that made it obvious that she was not happy. (And yes, she also attracted some herself with her songs, but that’s something else).

I don’t know if any of you have ever watched “Forrest Gump”, that is my favorite movie in the world.

There is a part of the movie where Jenny, Forrest’s all-time best friend says: “I want to be a folk singer and live on that!”.

The Universe is quite literal sometimes, it takes you seriously, and even though it is only a movie, it’s quite the way it happens in real life.

After a long time they didn’t see each other, Forrest finally has a chance to visit her, and he is so happy for Jenny who finally had her wish come true. She was singing a folk song on a stage and making money with it, not noticing that she was naked, and really unhappy.

The Universe will always provide, and it will always make sure your wish comes true, but how to get fulfillment from those desires comes only from us, and on how much we align to the process, not to the outcome.

A singer that doesn’t like to perform every day, can’t be happy and fulfilled by one time they had success with it.

An athlete that does win an Olympic medal, can’t be proud of what he has achieved if they took drugs, or if it was simply super easy for him.

I’m thinking, for example at Ian Thorpe, famous unfortunately for training while being in a suicidal state, while being hungover and for achieving all swimming goals anyway with ease.

Most of the people that are happy in life, have one basic skill in common.

They transform their desire in achievable goals, they consciously or unconsciously align with it, with the process. They overcome contrast, obstacles, pain and limiting beliefs to align with the process, not the goal.

And they enjoy.

It’s a little ironic that I write this right today, because I myself have a hard time following this path.

In my life I only had one true desire: being accepted for who I am, by being free.

Funny enough, life has given me an unsupportive, judgmental family, disappearing friends, unasked responsibilities, unwritten rules, and unstable codependent issues with partners.

Ironic, isn’t it?

But it’s always soothing for me to remind myself what would Abraham Hicks do if he was standing in my physical shoes.

I know what he would tell me. He would tell me to breathe. He would tell me to enjoy my breathing. Furthermore, he would tell me to enjoy what I do, to focus on what makes me feel good in each moment. And only when I feel so much joy that my body can’t contain it anymore, to change that desire in a goal and be specific about my desires. 

Because in the end, things are always working out for me and for all of us, we just have to better live with chaos, and accept what we can’t control.


I just simply enjoy listening to this, especially when I forget the potential of wellbeing we all have. ❤