Lately I wanted to get the best out of myself. Take every opportunity that life offers and take advantage of it without paying attention to anything else.
I was raised and educated to only pursue freedom and independence. All the other things that put a limit on my life, fits tightly, and I push it away, regardless of the consequences, feeling numb, as if I was disassociating myself from them.
I always thought it was a great achievement to be able to select the emotions I feel, and I started practicing NLP for that very reason and to be able to make the most of the Law of Attraction.
Because, after all, that’s how it works.
Feeling like winners helps us to win, feeling happy, helps us to achieve happiness, feeling loved helps us to attract lovers. Overturning emotions instead, always leads us into oblivion, it makes us doubt ourselves and attracts all sort of troubles.
Only lately, for me, everything has been working out too well.
I got what I wanted, and all I had to do was just be able to disassociate myself from the penetrating and persistent feeling of fear mixed with shame, insecurity that I felt as I could not do more and be imperturbable against the adversities of life.
Against the curse of C19, against a difficult family situation, against loneliness, and against the lack of support in EVERY field of my life (family, love, work, money and health).
Basically, it can only be said to have survived thanks to good new friends and swimming.
Personally I tried to find all the possible techniques to conquer the world, and I also managed to handle them quite well. I was able to achieve the unimaginable … seriously!
I have tried everything: Soka Gakkai Buddhism, Brahma Kumaris Raja Meditation, Richard Bandler’s coaching and NLP courses, Eriksonian Self Hypnosis, psychotherapy, sports visualization, Abraham Hicks meditation, Reiki, the transcendental meditation, vippasana, traditional and untraditional yoga etc. and the conclusion, contrary to what people think, for me, they all work!
They work to improve yourself, to improve your body, to get more of what you want, to see yourself in a different light, and also to simply recognize ourselves better for who we are, but on one thing they all fail.
They don’t teach us to appreciate negative emotions when we feel them. Furthermore, they do not teach us to look them in the face and accept them when they come like a raging river. And we live in constant fear they might show up at any time.
Of course, there is psychotherapy that aims at pulling out these emotions, and recognizing them (at least so it happened to me), but when you go to therapy you know you are not alone in your thoughts, so you don’t look at the emotion in the face when they suddenly show up … It is a different approach.
Often these ghost emotions are associated with the past, and are able to take possession of your present preventing you from even dreaming anymore.
For me, every time, this situation is traumatic.
Being very good at managing thoughts, having this great ability to carefully select emotions in times of need, and the luck of being able to visualize what I want to achieve, I am always petrified in front of the disruptive recurring negative thoughts, and I realized that the only way I have to deal with them is to give them space, to hug them and to make them feel welcome.
Ghost scary emotions help us too. They, too, are there to make us better.
Without them, without fear, without anger, without depression and despair, only with joy and peace we would be automatons without any glory, nor satisfaction.
Too often I see “spiritual minds” taking refuge in “light” and “blessings” they don’t feel. Too often they have a real fear of facing the darkest parts of themselves, the fear of recognizing their obscene sides and the shame of finding they are actually vulnerable.
But when we all are.
This, more than anything, is the key to unhappiness, and there is no Law of Attraction that can truly make you evolve in this world if you are unable to admire yourself in the most fragile moments of your life, and value it.
With this, today I take my fear, my insecurity and my shame in hand, and I carry it with me on my new adventure in Portugal, where many new challenges await me, and where I will probably feel very lonely, but where I will always try to respect me and take care of myself.
Meanwhile, I thank the sweet people who have been my friends here in Rome, and made my lockdown days more special, and my swimming team, PantaRei that taught me resilience and passion.