Here I am, writing my first few lines about this fresh path my friend and I decided to take.
We created this blog together because of the great interest we both have in the field of self-development, Coaching, and in my case Neuro-Linguistic Programming and even the Law of Attraction (well yes, but not in the way you might think).
I can’t claim to be an expert on the subject, but I can firmly say that NLP changed my life for the better, even if I forget very often how much impact it had in my life.
In this world, there are so many resources for self-improvement that you can think of.
I can easily say I have tried most of them hoping, passively, I would reach this great state of well-being and knowledge that would make me feel so good about myself that nothing would ever upset me anymore.
I genuinely thought I had to be good at yoga, read a lot of books, detox my body, do a lot of sports, go out only with successful people, avoid making mistakes, maybe some magic EFT, some auto-hypnosis and, maybe therapy, to become this perfect and successful person, extremely confident, with high self-esteem and self-worth.
Unfortunately, though, I realized that it’s the lack of self-confidence that made me do those things, this constant feeling of having to fix myself, of becoming something more instead of becoming my real self.
It was a time for me that everything was very, very confusing, everything was changing, and everything was new to me. In one year I have moved away from the country I was living for five years, I fell in love for the first time, and I was temporarily visiting my partner in New York while I was trying to plan my life again in Italy, where I had only my mother, very few friends, no jobs and zero interest in actually living there.
I seriously thought of millions of alternatives so that I didn’t have to go back to Rome, but I knew that anything I did was going to be wrong in the end, because the country I wanted to live in, was unfortunately unreachable for me, so the only thing for me to do was get deep into myself.
I found out about NLP exactly one week before going away from New York. It was in the middle of the winter, all this bad pressure was giving me GERD attacks and I read this article about NLP where I finally understood what it meant to have “mental programs” and ultimately, how to change them with your brain (neuro), and communication (linguistic).
There was an itinerant school in Rome that provided free introductory courses on NLP and Coaching and, with some real courage, I ultimately decided to sign up there.
It took great courage for me to start this path because I knew that these people have the power to manipulate you into doing something you might not want to do, and also because I knew that it would have changed me to the point of no return. Somehow, I knew it.
But I was at a point in my life where I had nothing to lose, I was burned-out of all my energies; I was constantly complaining about my situation; I was mad at my family for raising me in this ultra-negative environment, and I was mad at my parents for never providing a loving home for me, and never really explain to me how life is meant to be lived.
In my head, I knew it was my responsibility to get out of this negativity, but nothing, so far, was working.
In the introductory class, I was looking around and checking the other people, and, as usual, I was looking if there was anyone there that I could relate to.
I felt like I was an alien, a casual weird yogic woman surrounded by highly skilled men in a suit, women with perfect hair, makeup, and designer clothes, and young students with already more certainties in life than me. I tried to hide in the backseats, but since the class wasn’t full, right at the beginning of the lesson, they made me move in the front row.
“Of course!” I thought, “why don’t you even start asking me personal questions then?”.
And that’s exactly how it went.
The teacher started asking us specific questions about ourselves, and everyone who could relate to it had to raise their hand.
“Do you ever feel that you only like the same type of people?”, “Do you enjoy living out of your comfort zone?”. I look around, and suddenly everyone seemed nicer and nicer, each question they answer. Each and any of us there wanted to feel better about ourselves, feeling more comfortable in our skin, and we wanted to get some tools to make our lives a little easier.
On just that first day I realized I had a pattern I always followed to like people, and I did never gave a chance to anyone a little different from that, assuming that if I didn’t like them immediately, they also wouldn’t like me. Just on that first day, I realized what is a limiting belief, and how big that one was for me, and how many experiences in life I was missing just because of that.
You know how it feels when you have an idea about someone… not speaking to a guy because he’s too handsome and he would never like you back, and every chance you have you make fun of his attitude, his manners, etc. but then you never actually took the time and effort to get to know him and to show him who you are.
Well, this is what I was doing all my life with everyone, completely unconsciously.
I was always unconsciously assuming my bosses didn’t like me and were giving me unpleasant jobs on purpose. I was always assuming the friends I had were just really unaware of who I was, that’s why maybe they liked me, I was convinced that my relatives didn’t talk to me because I wasn’t worthy of their attention.
All those things hit me in my head like with a baseball bat on that first introductory course.
Because the words you use every day with yourself and with others have the power to give you energy or take energy away from you, limiting your capability to improve your life and effectively respond to life challenges. Your inner communication, when you meet new people, when you have a new job, when you try to do something new, often determines the outcome you will have.
With this in mind, I started this journey where I learned how to deconstruct my mental programs, and how to rebuild them with more intention and awareness, not to become perfect, but to live more happily and create better opportunities for myself.